Posted by Dee (126.96.36.199) on September 19, 2003 at 17:10:30:
In Reply to: Re: Poll: How do you deal w/Social rejection? posted by Raz62 (188.8.131.52) on September 19, 2003 at 09:48:52:
> > Hey Raz, do you make up an exaggerated version of what really happened to make your point? I have a tendacy to do this.
> > Dee : )
> Honestly I don't have to exaggerate in the least anymore. You see, where I work, I am not the only one ostracized. Three other women on the support staff are also completely left out of any events.
> For example, a new woman started Tuesday. Already she is being invited out for all of the usual drinking and stuff. The analysts walk by her desk (diagonal to my office) and are really friendly to her, and to the receptionist and another RA who sits near me, but they don't talk to me at all.
> Because it's not really a job issue, it's not something I can discuss with my boss, although I could bring it up informally just to get his insight. The KEY issue is that I have the 3-wing weakness. I can come to work knowing all of the great things about me, and who I am, and all that, and then, by the end of the work day, the reflection I get back from others here eats away at all of my confidence and esteem until I feel I am nothing.
> Then I meet this brilliant (intellectually and creatively) Type 4 yesterday and HE LIKES ME and we are already planning when to meet again. It's so weird, if someone like him can like me, I must be something -- then I get rejected here at my job. Hey, maybe it really is that the ones who reject me are a little bit put off by me (that I'm too good at too many things and a more developed person and they KNOW it, and their egos can't handle it.)
> The other support staff women I mentioned are rejected for a combination of reasons: socio-economic class difference, appearance, racism, and ageism. The ageism thing might apply to me too; I should never have even told anyone my age because until people are told they think I'm about 30 -- but, then again, if someone is that stupid that they would judge by the date on the birth certificate instead of by the person, who wants to be with a person like that anyway?
I hear ya!! I don't say much at work and am unapproachable because of this. I'll tell you my story is short form..
I started my new job in January. I got a happy face piggy bank for Christmas and put this on my desk. When walking around I would smile joke around and say hi with little or no response, just faces that were very short in smiling and/or no smile back at all. A few women made me feel so uncomfortable! I'm not bragging ok but I dress for success and have above average looks and have my hair tied up in a bun, classy and I probably look like a real snob..., but I'm not! Being that I'm over sensitive, these few individual's were the onset of my crawling back into my shell.
Back to the way I felt in school when being teased all the time for no particular reason. I regress. Then, when these few individuals got to know me a bit better they were asking me questions about myself but by this point I'm not liking them and it's written all over my face. Word gets out and I'm now the odd ball of the office. Everyday I'm picked on but the thing is, my supervisor sits in the desk infront of mine and she really likes me. She is Type 2w1 and makes remarks about the other women who sit around us to me under her breath. This makes me feel better, not that she isn't keen on them either (well maybe : ) ) but that she can relate to me.... ohhhhh what a friggin relief!!
Bottom line is she's my supervisor and has been there for 23 years, the fact that she likes me is what I hold on to.
I want to come back out of my shell though and have been working on this the whole week and I'm happy to say it's working. I'm becoming less shy and though I'm not exactly where I want to FEEL, I'm progressing.
This guy you met, ask him how he goes about work relationships.
We have to change our behaviour and IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!
Going home with a smile on your face after work is what you deserve! You work hard, now play hard!!!!!
Dee : )
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