Re: Fears

Posted by Tiggy on December 03, 1999 at 12:46:31:

In Reply to: Re: Fears posted by Ronnie on December 03, 1999 at 05:06:59:

have to contain myself most of the time. pointless debates about subjects of purely academic interests "intellectual" way of speaking
[I tend to use humour in those situations, in an attempt to bring things back down to earth. You could try putting across the completely valid view that knowledge has to be applied and applicable. That's one that's hard to refute, unless the knowledge is just fun for them, which is okay - as long as people recognise they are doing no more than playing intellectual games. You could think of college as a playground where the still relatively young practise and hone their mental skills through intellectual game playing.]

If I have, it's totally unconscious.
[Well, it would be, although you have mentioned feeling angry and hitting walls lately. If it's coming out that's a positive thing, but it may have been there in your eyes all the time - like I said about my friends
husband. Do some imagined conversations in front of the mirror and check, but do them like you normally do - it can be tension too; I'm starting to perceive the links between fear and anger.]

I typically don't feel agressive or angry towards people, I'd just want to find out what they are like.
[Do you possibly look at people with an expression of curiosity that might unnerve the timid!? I did mention, 'a look like you're psyching them out!'And you said yourself that the people there seem insecure. I mean, if you looked at me like that, I'd probably just laugh, but if you're a big chap, then they might feel threatened.]

["Mr. Worf" - had to phone my nephew to find out about this particular piece of intertextuality.]

[fairly broad. - what does that mean by Scandinavian standards? Do you mean broad-shouldered or a big build or a little overweight?]

I know it can't be because I was agressive in the way I speak to people, because I'm not aggressive in my speaking style.
I feel I'm brash and aggressive when compared to them
[Isn't that a contradiction? Why do you feel you're brash and aggressive then? Do you mean more abrupt? That can also come across as aggression; a sort of cutting people off. Like if you're having a discussion and someone says, 'Well I think such and such.....', that leaves room for more dialogue, but if they say, 'That's crap', or 'Your wrong', then the other person may feel intimidated and not want to continue the discussion. Here, as you probably know, Northerners are often seen as a bit abrupt - more outspoken, and less softened by niceties.]

you know it's not only not necessary, but not doing yourself a service
What makes you so sure?
[You said yourself that it wasn't necessary to be aggressively defensive in the environment you're in. And I don't see that there would be any need for it in most environments. You have to have a sense of steadiness; a certainty about perspective and value - as Andrew Blake said to me, 'You have to believe in your own reality'. Some people believe in God instead, but then you have to identify with God (ie that God is within you, that you are a part of God), rather than seeing yourself in contradistinction to God, as some people have done in perceiving themselves as bad.]

"feeling special
[I believe that everyone should feel special, that's why I champion feeling special. I believe I'm special, but I can't believe it for anyone else can I? I do tell people sometimes - it would be nice to put up a poster saying, 'Everyone is special - celebrate your uniqueness' or suchlike. Maybe we could put it on the Foursite. You probably think that's naff (untranslatable English word). So it's easier for me to lead by example and celebrate my own specialness and princess nature. In the Sikh religion, each boy is called 'Singh', meaning 'Lion' and each girl is called 'Kaur' meaning 'Princess', and this was done to raise their self-esteem in the face of adversity because they were persecuted so much. If you don't know anything about the Sikh religion, it started as a sort of peace movement uniting Islam and Hinduism, but they had to defend themselves so much, physically, that they started to carry swords, but they must only ever use it in self-defence, and now it is largely of symbolic value and they will wear a little sword on a necklace instead. (I am the proud owner, however, of a Sikh cavalry sword from the Nineteenth Century.)]

that usual restrictions don't apply to them
[That was almost a self-mocking joke actually. I know that I should try to adhere to rules and regulations more, but I find it hard, and everyone finds some aspect of life difficult, but they seem to be forgiven for that. I think that Fours and people generally who are not good at J-ness in that respect, otherwise have a lot to offer the world and some allowances should be made, as wise people will do. My tutors at Lancaster used to make some allowances for me and one of them used to let me work in his office with him, because at the time, I found it so difficult to be alone, that I couldn't get my work done. After I have children, I will give up being mostly a princess and become a gracious queen and be better at deadlines, and dates and times, and paperwork. But till then, I intend to enjoy being a princess. I do have a queenly side - I can be a gracious hostess and counsellor.]

[PS. I think no one's taken Finland very seriously since the Monthy Python song, 'Finland, Finland, Finland!' I've never read any Finnish writers; only Norwegian, and those were really depressing!]

Follow Ups:

• Ways of the world Ronnie 15:56:29 12/03/99 (5)
  • Why I would laugh! Tiggy 13:37:52 12/04/99 (2)
    • Now I see... Ronnie 06:44:24 12/05/99 (1)
      • Cheers mate! NT Tigster 14:20:05 12/05/99 (0)
  • This discussion... Julian 18:08:18 12/03/99 (1)
    • To Julian Ronnie 00:37:26 12/04/99 (0)

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