Posted by Quigibo (184.108.40.206) on September 21, 2003 at 01:48:53:
In Reply to: Seeking type 5 advice posted by FourEver (220.127.116.11) on September 08, 2003 at 10:42:57:
> I just found out last night that a guy I've been seeing for nearly 7 months lied to me about his age-- He's 5 years younger than I thought & nearly 15 years my junior. I *knew* he was hiding something from me from the get-go and I expressed it periodically with no results. Something smelled funny. Anyway, how would a type 5 approach confronting him? I don't want to get emotional, considering I have to deal with this in the middle of a workday.
> Looking for some phrasing advice. Thanks.[4w5]
Frankly, I think that someone who is willing to risk wasting 7 months of your time by being dishonest is dangerously unobjective, but putting that aside..
Start by stating your source and their findings, assuming you found out through other channels. Ask him why he didn't tell you in the first place, explain to him the effect of false statements on your trust when they are intentional deceptive, and give him an opportunity to come clean on any other lies he has told, and other important things he may have omited.
If you are unwilling to give up your source, explain that you have learned that he is (age) and ask him if he denies it. If not, continue as above. If he does, make it clear that it is important to you that he be honest, and make sure he wants to stick to his story. Then consult records to verify his age. If he is being truthfull, allow that the person who told you otherwise probably got bad information from somewhere else, and was probably only trying to help.
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