Posted by Primer Gray (220.127.116.11) on February 17, 2003 at 22:54:00:
In Reply to: Re: 3 with 5- what are your thoughts or experience posted by PM Dawn (18.104.22.168) on February 17, 2003 at 21:15:50:
> Well- you are right. However, it isn't really stuff I feel like sharing. We are both lonely in our marriages- He says that i comfort him and that he can relax with me...there are kids involved on both sides so the right thing to do is stay together. I guess it is probably an emotional affair. He is also taking anxiety meds and I am afraid it will really upset him
> if I were to just drop him. Plus I love him. There is just no good solution!!!
Nah, no need to share the details, I only wanted to know if I was reading the subtext correctly or not. Well, that's answered. Ok.
You probably do comfort him...but, probably not so comforting when you are hitting panic buttons and asking for reassurances. I think you're more afraid that he's gonna cut off contact with you than are about how he'd react if you left him alone. But, you're getting all abandonment-fearing and that's part of what's causing him to be distant. That sort of thing is frequently a self-fulfilling prophesy, but especially with fives...we really hate it when people are over emotional...it causes us to retreat and regroup. Of course, that's sometimes seen as abandonment...so a vicious (as opposed to viscous) cycle begins. I'm going far out on a limb here with a minimum of information and an active imagination...but, weren't you some sort of shelter in the storm earlier and that's why he felt comfortable with you? Don't be part of the storm.
Is his a free floating anxiety or does he know a possible source? I don't want specifics, or even an answer to that question...just wondering if you or he knows the answer to that one.
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