Posted by Primer Gray (220.127.116.11) on February 19, 2003 at 08:23:05:
In Reply to: Re: 3 with 5- what are your thoughts or experience posted by PM Dawn (18.104.22.168) on February 18, 2003 at 16:10:08:
> > >I'm not sleeping with him- so don't assume that's what I meant by that.
--Not assuming a thing...you said an emotional affair and that's exactly what I thought you meant.
Lots of sexual tension though. You are absolutely right about me being scared of him leaving. I am much needier than him. Although- if he were so drugged out on benzos he would probably worry more about me not being around. Maybe not but that's the impression I get.
---You have read all the descriptions of fives, haven't you? You're fishing for a response, that keys a distrust reflex in him on why you're fishing. Don't try to tap into the fives emotions, you won't get anything but more withdrawal if you keep that up. Back off...he'll talk when he's ready to, it will be his idea and he'll do it when he feels safe.
He has generalized anxiety- He's had it for at least 8 to 10 years. He tried to get off the meds and it got worse because they told him to go off cold turkey. Now he is taking klonopin and zoloft too. I think he is more depressed now than anything else. I haven't really ever seen him anxious though he says he is inside. The drugs kinda make him not care about anything.
---Too bad it's not as simple for him as just smoking pot to bring the mind and body back together. :-)
He told me about one girlfriend he had in his twenties where he broke up with her and she just went kinda crazy- not eating, sleeping for over a month. Just really hysterical.
---She was probably already kind of like that and that contributed to the breakup. We five guys hate hysterics...their awkward and manipulative and therefore to be avoided.
I don't want that to happen to me but at the same time I could identify with that. He is addictive I guess. Very strange. Do you have that effect on people?
---Well, I've dated girls that were like that...it sounds way arrogant and laughable to think that they were addicted to aloofness. No, it's more a sign of the five finding an emotional girl fascinating in a sexy but alien kind of way. Of course, some of us might also feel the need to point out how they could solve their problems by just being more rational and less emotional...and then sometimes getting sucked into a deep black bottomless pit of emotional need...but I digress. We're only addictive to the people that tend to get addicted to anyone they date. Some folks are just like that.
> I wonder what would happen if I just quit emailing him or IM. I don't call him except about once a week or so if something important comes up. Do you think that's what I should do? Would he probably just let me drift away? How much contact do most 5's want?
That's about right...likely if you quit emailing him, you wouldn't hear from him for a week and a half-two weeks. Then he'd probably pick up the conversation like nothing happened, replying to whatever it was that you said last.
> In October his wife had to work one Saturday and she asked me to watch the kids all day- age 5,2 and a baby. With his anxiety he didn't want to do it. I thought he would be off shopping or something fun but he stayed there the whole day with me- sitting very close and just hanging out. He didn't leave at all and he had the whole day free. This is someone who is usually out the door going to Best Buy or HiFi Buys or computer shows whenever possible. It was very comfortable. Other times he seems nervous around me- like he doesn't really know what to say. He can talk to perfect strangers about computer products, software, etc. but around me he can be shy. On a gut level sometimes I think he is in love with me but then he'll do something else or act so remote that I would say- no way. Very hard to read.
---Yeah, that sounds about right. So, he likes you. Yep, hard to read...observers like the observations to run one way. He might have deeper feelings, he might also say "well, no point in that, better take it down a notch" too. I mean, where would the sense be in loving someone you can't have since you're both married to other people. Yes, compartmentalizing is very much something that can be done. What good could come from him being in love with you? Not a lot, I'm afraid. So, if he gets close to that edge, he pulls back. It's the logical thing to do....
Anyway...I appreciate your input. Thanks for listening.
Hey, no problem...just remember, if you ask me in a year, I'll just refer you to this thread. ;-)
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