Posted by Iris (220.127.116.11) on March 17, 2003 at 19:16:44:
I posted here not too long ago, about needing out of the rut I was in. Well I've gone from one extreme to another. I haven't felt this emotional in so long.
I don't know if this will be interesting to anybody, but I think I just need to get these thoughts out to anyone unbiased, as none of my friends seem to be these days. So I write.
I've mentioned before that I'm in a long distance relationship. I have a girlfriend and we've been together for the past five months. Well, she finally got through to the isolation state I was in, after a fight. After smoothing things over, I felt as if that moment was when I really fell in love. And I felt like things opened up and I got completely attached.
I just recently got back from spending over a week with her. After the first couple of days, I noticed her pulling back emotionally. Lasted a couple of days, until things broke, and we had a big crying fest only to have her leave for work. When she came back, she was everything I needed her to be, and all was well again.
Our last night together was weird. I don't know if it's from the small amount of sleep on top of a night of partying with friends, and maybe I'm just reading too much into things. It seemed a bit distant, but that could have just been her being really tired after the night before.
I don't know. That day of us crying together, before she left for work, she reminded me how we aren't always going to be together. And I found it funny how up until I actually fell in love, that thought was always on my mind, which caused me to be distant in the first place. I just can't win.
It feels like it's too late for me to pull back. I'm in love, and I've become attached to her. I didn't think this could happen. I'm trying to grasp onto any logical thinking and reasoning right now, but my emotions have taken over.
Thank you for listening, if you've gotten this far. It's appreciated.
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