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Re: Any advice from a 5?
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Re: Any advice from a 5?

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Posted by Jeff ( on March 27, 2003 at 21:39:49:

In Reply to: Any advice from a 5? posted by Josie ( on March 25, 2003 at 09:55:03:

I just came out of a relationship with a 7. She is an enfj and me, an intp. I like spontaneous, not be overplanned stuff and she is spontaneous about activities, but likes to plan events well ahead of time. This I saw as beneficial, but still created much stress for me. This is a classic 7-5 relationship issue. If you read Hiso's site it notes this problem. If you can deal with it I suggest you do the research, but don't talk about it much or actually buy tickets. It would ruin the spontaneity of the trip for him and create a certain level of expectation in his mind. Be prepared to make alternate plans if the last minute one don't come up. 5's also need to control their environment. You are probably a much better planner at these types of things, and while nice- it is probably very unsettling to him. i.e this is one of your biggest strengths and one of his bigger weaknesses. What also worked for me we surprise trips where I was just told to show up and when without being given details. This allowed the 7 to plan and me to be spontaneous. You should be prepared for lots more of this- him withdrawing/you reaching out and feeling rejected. 5's need to feel strong and confident to connect with 7's and the main way we do it is by withdrawing and going deep inside ourselves to recharge.
Hope this helps.

> Hi! I'm a female 7w6 who's just found this board. I've studied the Enneagram for 8 years. I'm seeing a man who is a fascinating, knowledgeable 5w6. He has been travelling the world for a few months without me. Whereas I've known him for 6 months. As a 5w6, he's been alone for 20 years or so with no desire to find another woman after the woman he was engaged to marry died unexpectedly. And, I had to persue the relationship with him, obviously. He seems to not mind that, as he's been travelling, he's been sending me lots of little nice, creative gifts, and he's been phoning me twice a week or so (from halfway around the world). We've been planning to meet in a tropical destination in May. My six wing has made me very anxious about the plane filling up if I don't book the ticket a month in advance. Whereas he's spent much of his life travelling around the world and he's sure that booking close to the travel date is okay. He keeps saying that he'd take care of everything for me. But we were on the phone last night, and I begged him to arrange our travel plans as soon as he can so that I can stop feeling so anxious about it. My being a seven makes me want to have fun things planned for the future (the trip to the tropics with him), and my six wing makes me afraid of things not working out without advance booking. Well, he thought I was whining and he thought I sounded needy. And he hung up on me suddenly without saying goodbye. Half an hour after our call, I wrote him an e-mail (he checks his everyday, and we've been corresponding that way) telling him how I feel and how hurt I am. And I feel very depressed because I love this man very much, even though he's never said he loves me, and I think it'll take him a long time to get to that, even though he's spent a lot of money on me on gifts and dates. I'd like advice from a 5 about what to do, because I know this man won't react quickly to reassure me the way I need that. And that hurts me, how it takes a long time for him to react. I really want to go on this trip with him, and I really like him (finances aren't the issue here). I feel really depressed, I hardly slept last night.

> Thanks,
> Josie

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