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Reply to Jeff

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Posted by santannagirl ( on April 09, 2003 at 15:32:50:

In Reply to: Re: Loving a Five with a Seven posted by jeff ( on April 08, 2003 at 13:15:50:


Thanks so very much for responding :-) It is interesting what you said about him thinking he doesnt give me much when I feel so wonderful when we are together. I am not certain what you mean when you say he might do sabotaging things in the relationship--could you give me some examples? In terms of defining parameters of the relationship what do you me? Sorry to be so dumb if these questions seem to have such obvious answers but I am uncertain, any insight would be appreciated.

> 5's in order to connect with 7's have to be feeling good. 5's have a motto that life is short and therefore don't expect too much. 5's also need to have a large degree of control over their environment. While you have been great for him, it puts him in a dependant state of you. Holidays are tough anyways though. He definitely wants you but when he connects to you he might get overloaded and loses confidence in his own self determination and abilities or his fantasy of you doesn't live up to his reality. 7's are how we would like to be in our somewhat ideal world (at least for me). You are probably so much fun. He might actually think he offers you nothing and you give him a lot in return. It doesn't help one feel good to be the receiver always. Let him know why you need him as opposed to just wanting to be with him or like him. I think he is trying to test the waters of committment without the actual committment. Expect a lot of crazy stuff to happen and all kinds of fireworks. But do not let him sabotage the relationship by letting him do any unrepairable harm to it. Stop him before it gets to that point or it may create a rift that is unrepairable. I would bring up some definite timeframes with him as far as relationship expectations. He probably won't talk much but just present it and be prepared to leave it at that for a while (days or weeks). That way he knows what is expected of him, rather than him using his possibly wild imagination and will be able to come to grips with it. I hope things work for you

> > Currently I am in an intimate relationship with a 5w6. We went out for two months last fall and then close to Thanksgiving he said he needed a break-holidays were very difficult for him. He said he had very painful memories from his divorce and needed to be alone. His wife had physically and emotionally abused him for a number of years and he seemed to still be recovering. I felt very sad but that was what he needed to do. He told me at the time that no-one had ever listened like I had and that we had had alot of fun but that he felt he was a "pathetic loser" who could seem to talk about nothing but his ex-wife. I told him that was part of the healing process and it wouldnt always be that way. He had done alot of sharing of personal details about their relationship. But he took a hiatus and I had decided that it was over based on what he said.

> > On the 7th of January he instant messaged me which I ignored and gave him no response. The next week he called me and I did not return his call, he also came into one of my favorite restaurants and we had a polite exchange but I was distant. For the next two months he called me a couple of times a week and would talk for 3 to 4 hours at a time, instant messaged me almost every day, sometimes twice a day. Always asking me if I would go out with him, I continued to refuse or put him off. I did not ever initiate any contact with him. He did it all for a two month period. Nor did I see him during this period--it was all strictly at his initiation.
> >
> > Finally about a month ago I finally agree to go to dinner with him and we had a great time. He needs me to tell him either on the phone or in person when I see him that I have missed him and he always wants to know how much. He asks directly, "So have you missed me? Tell me how much" It is the same on the phone.

> > For the past month things have been good--he calls couple times a week--we have long (2,3,4 hour) conversations and I usually see him once a week on Saturday night, sometimes Friday too but mostly just once a week. I enjoy my time with him, he says he likes educated women and I have a PhD but I am struggling to understand what he wants--he seems to have a hard time deciding when we are going to see one another but when we are together he is very warm and affectionate and our sexual relationship is phenomenal--the connection is very intense and he is a very generous lover--into pleasuring me it seems even more than himself.

> > Yet he seems reluctant to commit to a time to see one another and to what we are going to do when we are together. For my part I could care less what we do but I do need to know when. Last night on the phone he couldnt tell me when we were going to see one another only that we would talk soon???????? He also told me that I could call him because in the last 40 times he has called me I havent initiated any calls to him, although I love to talk to him and it makes my heart do flips when I hear his voice.

> > He is building a new house and he has taken me to this place twice in the last month and we have gone to look at flooring and now he mentioned going furniture shopping together, which is fun. I dont care what we do I just want to be in the same space as him. Yet I have never seen his apartment, we either go out or over to my house. Is this strange?

> > Since he is a five are the above behaviors consistent with fives? As a seven I need to know times and dates, not necessarily the activities involved, but if I push at all he just changes the subject. This may sound really stupid but I dont even know if he likes me. He never says how he feels.
> >
> > Any input would be appreciated, thanks.

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