Posted by Charlie (184.108.40.206) on April 23, 2003 at 02:00:27:
Hi, would someone tell me what I sound most like. I am very analytical. I'm known to get into heated discussions about the most mundane things and knitpick the littlest things people I am close to do, or usually their beliefs or arguments. I do very well at adapting to people's personalities upon meeting them and have an unconscious habit of supporting their beliefs and providing arguments on behalf of what they believe. And quite instinctively, I have a tendency to ask others questions I already know the answer too or I don't care about knowing the answer too. However the questions usually revolve around their own interests. I will take on their attitudes, their postures, and their style of being. After knowing them for a little while and getting comfortable around them, I become quite argumentative, to the point of excessiveness. In large groups, my tones are imperious and authoritative. I argue and stir up conflict with those around me by saying the most controversial things I can think of. Then afterwards, people are surprised that when they talk to me alone and I act as if my rude behavior was nothing more than entertainment that shouldn't be taken seriously. Continuously my viewpoints and behavior change, usually changing in cycles. For the last three years, I have compulsively bought books which I hardly read from front to back. Before books, it was clothes. I had to have the most clothes in school, and did win best dressed. However, alot of the clothes I'd buy would just sit and collect dust. Ahh yes, speaking of books, five of my favorite were in the bathroom. The other day I noticed a striking similarity between them: 1)Lyndon Johnson: Path to Power; 2)Hitler; 3) Nietzche's Will to Power; 4)Machiavelli's The Prince; 5)48 Laws to Power. As for work, I haven't had a job in about four years. I'm not rich. I'm 25 and prefer not to work for some schmuck and would rather live on a meager allowance while in school, then go out and get a job. However, as far as the things I enjoy, I can spend enormous amounts of time working on it. Like tonight, I got off on a tangent about this concept of freedom and self, and just found myself pacing around and standing still for good periods conceptualizing different possibilities to the argument.
Also, I have dreams of granduer, to rise to the top by triumphantly asserting my will over the environment, no matter what field. Of course, Politics has always been the most entertaining among all professions to get into. Most of the close friendships I've had always end because of some sort of betrayal. There was always a lack of trust, and with one friend, it was a matter of who could get more girls than the other. And we would resort to trying to steal eachother's girls, spreading rumors about eachother. This was the extreme, but other friendships have still contained that element of distrust. But that's another side of me. I see things in terms of "willful" struggles. i.e. if I act in this way, will it be perceived as cowardly, or weakening to my position. I always have a need to be the toughest person. And, as I've been told, I have an air of confidence that is intoxicating. Like in hostile situations, I can remain very calm and discerning. Strength and fighting were things very, very important to me as a youth, and still are today unfortunately. No matter who I encounter, I'm always sizing them up in my head in case a fight happens. Sometimes I'll repress that for a few months, but eventually it comes back to bear on my behavior. A friend of mine said that I use an intimidating silence on people. For instance, I'll walk into the barbershop and give this stare and just a little head nod. And the barber told me tonight that I look directly at him usually and use this stare tactic with people. Once, after I had left, a state trooper who had observed my behavior a few times told the barber I have the traits of a sociopath. Is this true? Well let's say that I have had a tendency to appear quite psycho to people. LEt me give you an example that has happened often. I met this girl Erica. We started talking and really liked eachother. I charmed her with my usual gift for bullshit, like telling her I was looking for a relationship. And when I was talking to her, I really did consider a relationship. So we hang out one night and we sleep together. Then I decide I don't want to be with her anymore, but don't want to drop her too fast in case she wants to get me back by making things up. But eventually it turns into me basically dissecting her as a person and telling her how she has to change. For a few nights, I was torturing her psychologically, not to help her as I said was the reason, but to really make her feel like crap. Then I started talking to ther friend and was as nice as pie to her, trying to spend the night with her. BUt eventually the friend rebelled against me, so I began destroying her psychologically. I have this instinct for spotting people's weaknesses after probing them a bit with conversation. I compare it to this. I do to people mentally what I do to my mother's dog physically. When I play with the dog, I pin him on his back and hodl him there while he tries to bite me and escape. YEs! It's psychological sadism. And I have ended up doing it in countless relationships. One day telling a girl I love her, then waking up the next day and deciding to never call her again. HOwever, I am not devoid of emotion. When I am alone, I feel emotion intensely. I am apt to cry when watching a movie or feeling the emotion of anotehr person, like this one kid I didn't know who was crying brought a tear to me, but I fought it off. I have a tendency to see things as visually moving in it's own way, like a child riding his bicycle. It strikes a nerve. Oh, and I'm very competitive and get very, very pissed off if I lose at somethign I percieve myself to be good at. I began studying the enneagram a few years ago but have gone back and forth to different types, testing differently at different times, depending on what personality I'd inhabit. And yes, I purposely took on all the different personalities at one time or another and believed myself to actually have settled the question of what type I was.
SO what I am asking is any enneagram reader out there to give me your opinion of what my dominant personality type strikes you as. I have my ideas. Geez...I can't make sense of it. I have asked others who know me and they have different answers. One friend calls me personality 0, which is called the Morph personality, or basically the no personality category. But his analysis is wrong, although funny. All the information I have provided about myself is not exagerated or changed for other purposes. Some are taken from my own observations, as well as those close to me. Thanks for any comments you might offer.
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