Posted by Josie (184.108.40.206) on May 11, 2003 at 11:03:42:
In Reply to: Re: 5 and 7 relationships posted by Charlie (220.127.116.11) on May 10, 2003 at 20:30:50:
> > But as far as my impulsive hedonism leading me to break up with my lover, over 'boredom'? Oh, dear, never! He's sexy, gorgeous, brilliant and fun to be with. He'll obviously be the same person ten years from now. Why would I want to leave him? I guess my security seeking 6 wing makes me more loyal, too. Maybe it's 7w8s who have more of a problem with disloyalty.
> I'm glad that you have a strong relationship and do not have a problem with boredom, but why do you obviously assume he'll be the same person ten years from now--sexy, gorgeous, fun to be with? Yes, he will maintain similar drives and motivations, but the qualities you described are the ones that tend to be the most fleeting. Countless amounts of people in relationships have felt the same way you do now, and within five, ten, fifteen years people's behavior and the dynamics between them change drastically, for many, many different reasons that they could not foresee at the beginning, sometimes to the point of divorce. Other people have it good, and things stay the same, or even get better. Finding out what category you two fall into will call for the test of time?
Charlie, people don't tend to change. Someone, who, for example, is a 3 at age 25, doesn't become an 8 at age 40. The things I like about my 5w6 man won't change. He's a very sweet man. I had a two and a half year relationship with a 2w1 man who I almost married. We were engaged when I broke up with him. I broke up with him because I decided to stop tolerating his physical abuse of me. But, he was the same man when I met him. I just thought that the problems between us were all caused by me near the beginning, and then eventually I realized that a man who can justify hitting his woman, and continues to do so, doesn't deserve to be with me. It was a wise change in my thinking, not a change in him. And still, the man has lots of lovely traits that are typical of 2s. What attracted me to him initially is still there, it's just that there's an ugly side to him that I tolerated at the beginning, but eventually couldn't stand anymore.
That ugly side that existed in my 2w1 man, the jealous, righteous rage, the overcontrollingness (I made up a word, ha!), doesn't exist in my 5w6 man. He (my 5 man) is very patient and tolerant of who I am. The only problem I see is his occasional shyness and slight paranoia. (For example, when we're in his bedroom, he has to check all of his windows before we take our clothes off to make sure no one's watching us.) I'm learning to get used to how he's private where I'm very public and what-have-you, and I'd like some advice from people on this board about how to better understand how fives are this way and what they want. I know what I need in a lover better after my relationship with the 2w1. Life is a learning process, eh?
It's not fair for people on this board to label us 7s as all being super fickle about love. If I'm sexually attracted to a man, and he's a decent person I can get along with and loves me back, like my 5w6, my loyalty is very strong. Yes, I suspect my 6 wing has something to do with that. But there are probably lots of 7w8s who'd make good, committed lovers, too.
I'm sure there are lots of other 7s who are loyal in love. And I'm sure millions of people are happy with the 7s they adore. I'm hoping people from both categories are lurking on this board, and will defend 7s in general as good people who aren't neccessarily shallow, can know what love is, and can be supportive of someone. It sucks to have one's Enneagram type be put down the way it has been on this board. There exist good people of all Enneagram types who can make good, loyal lovers.
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