Posted by Josie (126.96.36.199) on May 12, 2003 at 14:12:15:
In Reply to: Re: 5 and 7 relationships posted by Iris (188.8.131.52) on May 12, 2003 at 02:18:05:
> ******* I'm a 5w4, not too sure about 5w6's.
I imagine, to have a context to understand your advice, it's important to know you have a 4 wing. Thanks. Yes, my 5 has the other wing, a 6 wing, but essentially, you're both 5s, eh? That's a reason why I appreciate your help in understanding my man.
> ******* My 4 wing comes out in wanting romance. But it takes time for us to let our guards down and allow ourselves to become attached. In the beginning of relationships, I always try to keep in mind that relationships at my age (19) aren't going to last forever. It took me 3-4 months to fully realize I was in love, after I knew I was already loved in return.
No offense, but I find the idea that a 19 year old can't start a beautiful, decades long romance with someone to be a bit offensive. You're an adult now, even though you're still very young. You can start a successful relationship right now if you choose to. Being 19 doesn't make your love a disposible, fickle thing, neccessarily. And I know there are couples in their 80s and 90s who fell in love when they were between 16 and 25. Please, Iris, give yourself more credit, for the sake of 19 year olds everywhere! ;)
Yes, the way you 5s are slow to get close to someone frustrates me. After 3-4 months, you knew you were in love, does that mean 3-4 months after you met him? I, as a 7, knew I was in love with my 5 within a week of knowing him. But then, I'm a 7, eh? ;) What behaviour did your guy exhibit that made you know you were loved in return? If you can help me with that, perhaps I can show my man that I love him more effectively. As it stands now, even though he's spending a lot of money with me and cuddling me a lot when we're alone together, I'm afraid to tell him that I love him because he hasn't said he loves me yet, and I'm afraid my telling him that I love him would feel like a burden on him as a 5. Please tell me what you think.
> Your guy sounds fairly successful, and I'm wondering about his age?
What makes him sound successful in the way I've described him? The fact that he travels around the world? Maybe that's a tipoff. ;) Yes, I guess he is. I'd tell you what he does for a living in a private e-mail if you'd like, but I don't want to reveal that here. I believe I revealed his age (oops) to a reply to one of Charlie's posts. I sure hope you won't be judgemental about our age gap. As it stands, my parents approve of my man throughly, and his family and friends like me, too. If anyone on this board has a problem with it, that won't affect the way either of us feel about each other.
> >If my pokerfaced man loves me, apart from him buying me gifts, how can I tell?
> ******* I've been commented on my pokerface too many times... its hard for us to share our emotions. Often times after a night out with friends, they have to ask me days later if I had fun or not. Apparently they can't tell, but that could be because I like to get home, be alone and think about the night I just had, picking out all the conversations and moments that were good. My subtype is sexual / self-preservant/ social. I love going back through experiences in my head.
Can you express your feelings for someone when you're alone with them? That's what my 5 seems to do. It'd be good to tell people how you feel about them as soon as you figure it out, not knowing how you 5s feel is one of the problems those of us who aren't 5s have in relationships with you 5s.
> ******** I like giving gifts for someone I love when I have money. If I know they really want something that they'd never actually expect to get, than I love the satisfaction of giving and making them happy. I think our actions tend to speak louder than our words. I have such difficulty getting my thoughts to come out of my mouth in a comprehensive way. To show affection, I would buy gifts, I would cook them breakfast or dinner, offer to do little things for them, etc.
I think it's amazing how you 5s can be so incredibly articulate about astrophysics, Chinese history, and interpreting the works of Amedeo Modigliani, but when it comes to how you feel about other people, you 5s tend to stumble. "Ummmmm... oh... hmmmmm... I think you're a nice girl, ummm..." LOL
If you would never buy a gift for someone you don't like, should I see all of the gifts he's bought for me and how he's so willing to buy me a plane ticket form Canada to Florida and back, simply to see him as positive signs of him getting closer to loving me?
> ******** As you've said above about being very impulsive, we aren't. I tend to sit on my instincts to think about the whole situation first. I'm more vocal and open about when I want sex, in the way I'll touch them or giving them a deep look, talking about what I want. That could be my 4wing.... I don't know very much about 5w6's.
Maybe you 5w4s are generally better with dealing with 'intimacy' than 5w6s. My guy's definately a grown-up who's seen a lot in his life, and I'm certainly not the first woman he's ever been with. But, when we're alone and in his bedroom, and he acts like he's sexually attracted to me, he still behaves like a little school boy when I try to initiate sex. What do you think about that? Maybe when he's known me a little longer, things will get better?
> ******* It takes time for us to really open to someone. Just give it time.
Thank you. I'll try to be as patient as I can. He's told me a lot about his life he wouldn't tell anyone else but a few select people, is that a good sign? How can I make it easier for him to feel more comfortable and closer to me?
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