Posted by Josie (126.96.36.199) on May 12, 2003 at 21:51:37:
In Reply to: Re: 5 and 7 relationships posted by Iris (188.8.131.52) on May 12, 2003 at 16:27:02:
> ***** No offense taken. I've been surrounded by divorce in my family. Parents, two of my sisters' marriages, multiple cousins. It just seems like it's very hard to change along with yourself, let alone with another person as a couple. I would love a relationship that lasted years, but it feels too easy to grow apart these days. Anyways, I've been in love twice, and I'm still young. Anything is possible.
Yes, perhaps all of the bad relationships that the people in your life have been in discourages you a bit. That's understandable. But yes, anything IS possible. (7s seem to know this best. LOL) And I'm sure everyone is happier when they're in love, and that state of being in love leads to a happy relationship. Good luck, good things like that don't happen to people who avoid minor risks.
> ***** As I'm not at all bothered by the age difference (I tend to go for older as well), I sincerely hope you won't be bothered to know my relationship with the 7 was with a female. We had been really close friends for 2 years when we got together in October. Also, it was a long distance relationship, a few hours apart, both in Canada.
Small world, eh? :) I'm glad the age difference doesn't bother you. And no, I'm not at all homophobic, same sex couples are a-ok with me! In fact, part of the reason why me and my type 5 man will be in Florida is because I want to visit my (much older) sister who lives in that Sunshine State. She's in a (not legally recognized, yet) marriage with a wonderful woman who I like very much, and finds me cute. (I'm straight, but it's always flattering when someone finds you to be attractive, eh?) If you're curious, my 36 year old (she's a half sibling) sister is a 2 (I'm unsure of her wing) and her wife is a 9w8. My sister's ready to smother me with love upon our (me and my lover) arrival! A month ago, while me and my man where discussing our plans for the Florida trip via e-mail, he mentioned what he could be doing elsewhere while I was visiting my sister and her wife. I thought this was a sign of his 5w6ish shyness, doing his best to avoid meeting someone new. After more e-mailing, I found out that he just assumed that I'd want to visit my sister without him. To me, this was a silly assumption. Of course, I want my sister to meet him, he's such a terrific guy, I'm so damn proud of him, I want to show him off! So now, post-clarification, we're going to visit her together. What do you think about his assumption? To me, as a 7, it seems alien. What are your thoughts, as a 5?
> It was the little things that showed I was loved, touches to the shoulder, kisses to the cheek, finding little notes in my bag, being woken up in the mornings by a phone call. I think I did fall in love much earlier than a few months, but it didn't fully hit me till a fight and I wondered how it would be to not have her anymore and I didn't want that to happen cause I was actually in love again.
That's so sweet! So affection counts, eh? I'll be persistant in being affectionate in a way he's comfortable with. But you 5s generally don't seem to like PDAs (public displays of affection), eh? He lets me hold his hand in public sometimes, and that's it. I just gotta keep getting us alone together. You can imagine if he was a 7 too, we might be making out at McDonald's for all we care. ;) I haven't seen him since early January (but we've been e-mailing and he's been phoning me and he constantly has sent postcards and gifts), having met him in early October.
> ***** Yep, it was always when we were alone, cuddling in bed together that I'd open up and talk.
But rarely in public, eh? I'm learning the ropes of dealing with a 5, with a little help from experiences I've had with him, and some help from you. Thanks!
> > I think it's amazing how you 5s can be so incredibly articulate about astrophysics, Chinese history, and interpreting the works of Amedeo Modigliani, but when it comes to how you feel about other people, you 5s tend to stumble. "Ummmmm... oh... hmmmmm... I think you're a nice girl, ummm..." LOL
> ***** Haha! How true is that?! I would get into these bad moods where I wouldn't talk, but all I'd want in my head is to feel closer. I'd convince myself that if I was really wanted, she'd pick that up from the way I was being and hold me and try to get me to talk. It was always really hard for me to make the first move to get out whatever was on my mind.
So maybe, if he ever looks grumpy, I should approach him? When we first met, we were on a platform, waiting for the same train. I saw him on the platform. I don't normally talk to strangers, but he was the most gorgeous man I've ever laid eyes on, no exaggeration. And very rarely do I ever see a man in public who I find attractive. The train arrived, I got into the same car he entered. I sat myself several seats away, the train was fairly empty, it was just us there in that part of the car. We were both reading newspapers, I glanced peaks at him from over mine. I thought to myself, 'this man probably sees you peaking at him, and it's probably creeping him out.' I also thought, 'if you don't talk to this guy now, you'll never again get the chance to find out if he's single and attracted to you or not.' So I walked over to him and I said (exactly, I have an excellent memory of this event), 'I hope this doesn't creep you out, but I find you to be very attractive.' It just so happens that I'm only physically attracted to very fat men, and very fat men tend to assume that people won't find them to be attractive, that information I gave you will help you understand why I behaved the way I did. I was hoping that he'd believe me, and not be creeped out by how I was peaking at him from my newspaper. Anyway, the train ride took about an hour, and we had a long conversation, where I found out that not only is this guy gorgeous, but also brilliant. I gave him my e-mail address, and he e-mailed me. We arranged a date, he took me to some beautiful botanical gardens and a lovely restaurant, and then, near the end of our six hour date, he bought me a little jewellery pouch from a gift shop. I later on found out that he, too, thought I was very attractive, from when we were strangers on that train platform. Is that sort of 7ish initative really appreciated by you sometimes socially awkward 5s?
Anyway, three months and over a dozen dates (where he'd take me to beautiful places and buy me gifts often) later, and he had to leave for his four month trip around the world. He had planned it long before I met him. Anyway, so I've been missing him ever since, and he's been e-mailing me and phoning me a lot and sending me gifts through the mail. And now, because of my desire to meet my sister and brother, his last stop on his trip will be Florida. And he'll be buying me a ticket to get there from Canada, and then to go back to Canada (where we, and you live) with him. Amazing, eh? So this seems like behaviour from a 5 who's in love?
> ***** Definitely. We would get to see each other either a week a month, or two weekends a month. Sometimes I would buy her a return ticket to come up to see me if she couldn't afford it herself.
> > Maybe you 5w4s are generally better with dealing with 'intimacy' than 5w6s. My guy's definately a grown-up who's seen a lot in his life, and I'm certainly not the first woman he's ever been with. But, when we're alone and in his bedroom, and he acts like he's sexually attracted to me, he still behaves like a little school boy when I try to initiate sex. What do you think about that? Maybe when he's known me a little longer, things will get better?
> ***** Haha so weird. During the first couple of months, I was so nervous and not used to a new touch that it felt like I was being tickled. When we became closer, things in the bedroom were more comfortable and satisfying.
> > Thank you. I'll try to be as patient as I can. He's told me a lot about his life he wouldn't tell anyone else but a few select people, is that a good sign? How can I make it easier for him to feel more comfortable and closer to me?
> ***** I'd take that as a very good sign. I liked to tell little stories about stuff in my past that I was fond of. The best way I was able to open up, was when we were just sitting together in each other's arms, not being distracted by anything else but each other, when we could talk for hours, and it would feel like only minutes have passed.
That seems like a lot of the interactions me and my 5 have had, we've discussed fascinating things together. I, as a 7, love mental stimulation like that as much as a 5 does. But me and my type 2 ex never had interesting conversations. :( I'd mention something about psychoanalysis or the ways Louis Pasteur has revolutionized medicine, and he'd promptly change the subject to who loves who, blah, blah, blah. I think the fact that 5s and 7s are both head centres helps, eh? (BTW, my ex was also, like my current beau, in his fifties. But, unlike with my 5, my parents didn't like my 2, my 5 is really financially comfortable, whereas the 2 was a 'welfare bum'. That wasn't why I broke up with my 2, money is unimportant in matters of love. My 2 was emotionally and physically abusive.)
> Anyways, I hope I was of some help! I like coming here and seeing people describe a 5 they know, and yet it sounds like they're describing me. And I always love a good conversation.
Yes, isn't it amazing? You're learning about 7s, and I'm learning about 5s. It's a beautiful thing. ;)
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