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Re: 5 and 7 relationships
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Re: 5 and 7 relationships

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Posted by Ingo ( on May 15, 2003 at 10:02:47:

In Reply to: Re: 5 and 7 relationships posted by Josie ( on May 09, 2003 at 10:57:56:

Some comments from a 5w4 (male) who is getting involved with a 7w6 (female) and enjoying every minute of it :-)

Before I start, let me say that I appreciate your comments (I read the whole thread) and expect them to be helpful for myself.

> intimacy, love, affection, companionship and serious lovemaking with > his need for 'privacy' and solitude. Could you help me there, with > understanding if you 5s ever crave sex and romance? I think my man
Well, yes, but probably not as often as you 7s. Me in particular, I crave romance much more than sex. A bit funny, considering that our gender stereotypes assume the contrary for men. For me, paradise is an intelligent conversation at a distance of a few millimeters.

> does sometimes, but he's awfully subtle about it. The bottom line

Me too. Fives and emotions is already a difficult combo, expressing a desire is even more difficult - fears of rejection and so on. My advice: when is being subtle and you suspect he wants sex, ask him if that's what he wants.

> 1. If you ever have warm feelings for him, express them. INITIATE AFFECTIONATE ACTS! Give him a kiss or a hug or whatever
I am learning to, but I can do it really only in private, with nobody watching. Don't know why. It also has to be quiet around, with no strong lights, odors etc.

> only way you, as a 5, might feel comfortable with being sexual), if > you're ever horny, express it, damnit!

I don't think I have ever been what is commonly called "horny". A desire for sex grows out of intimacy, instead of initiating it. The mind excites the body, not the other way round.

> As a 7, my 5's lack of emotional expression makes me wonder if > he really loves me, y'know? I mean, he buys me a lot of nice gifts. > I feel like a very much loved woman when I receive his gifts. But I > wonder to myself, is he in love with me the way I'm in love with him?

The answer is a definite yes. Fives aren't known for their generosity, right? A gift means that you are something very special to him.

> 7, or with someone of any other type. And, b) could you explain to > me how you 5s deal with romantic love? If my pokerfaced man loves
> me, apart from him buying me gifts, how can I tell? My 5 is
I'd say that's clear enough. Another sign is that he spends a lot of time on you - that's in fact even stronger than gifts, which are "merely" material things.

Also try to initiate intimacy from your side - if he reacts, that does mean something. He wouldn't do it out of a feeling of obligation, at least not for long.

> beautiful beaches. He's spending a lot of money to be with me and
> have fun. But why? Do you think, as he's a 5w6, that he's doing
> this because he loves me? Help me, please!

How often do I need to say YES before you believe it? ;-)

> alone, too. But, even you 5s like to be with someone you love
> sometimes, eh? My advice is to make it clear to a seven or to
Of course! But we also need a break now and then. Don't take it personally ;-)

> And please help me with this; how can I tell if my 5 wants to have sex?

Ask him.

> my own money. If I'm in a store and I see something I want that I
> have the money for, I'll buy it. I simply can't control myself.
Not something that Fives appreciate. Watch out for potential trouble.

> 4. Primarily, as a 7, Iris, I'm frustrated about how I want to
> get close to my 5 faster than he wants to get close to me. I want

No choice there, you need to be patient, otherwise he'll see you as an intruder and back off. Different speeds is also where I have the most problems with my 7. Fortunately she understands it, and makes an effort. I make an effort as well. Most of all, we understand that we have different needs and don't get upset about it.

> and we'll be vacationing in Florida soon at his expense. But when
> will he truly consider me to be his lover? Does he consider me to
That's not a question I'd ever ask myself. "Lover" is just a label. The questions I ask myself about relationships are, in order:
1) Do I like to be around her?
2) Do I like to be intimate with her?
3) Would I like to live with her?
For each question, allow some weeks to months for reflection. It may be long, but you will get a quality decision :-)

Ingo the 5 :-)

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