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Re: 5 and 7 relationships
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Re: 5 and 7 relationships

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Posted by Josie ( on May 15, 2003 at 11:04:28:

In Reply to: Re: 5 and 7 relationships posted by Ingo ( on May 15, 2003 at 10:02:47:

> Some comments from a 5w4 (male) who is getting involved with a 7w6 (female) and enjoying every minute of it :-)

> Before I start, let me say that I appreciate your comments (I read the whole thread) and expect them to be helpful for myself.

> Well, yes, but probably not as often as you 7s. Me in particular, I crave romance much more than sex. A bit funny, considering that our gender stereotypes assume the contrary for men. For me, paradise is an intelligent conversation at a distance of a few millimeters.

I crave intimacy, too, I guess I just kind of confuse the two. My guy is a great cuddler. And he, too, once noticed that we reversed the stereotype and men, women, and the desire for sex. ;) I'll be patient, and sometimes ask direct questions, is that a good idea?

> > does sometimes, but he's awfully subtle about it. The bottom line

> Me too. Fives and emotions is already a difficult combo, expressing a desire is even more difficult - fears of rejection and so on. My advice: when is being subtle and you suspect he wants sex, ask him if that's what he wants.

> > 1. If you ever have warm feelings for him, express them. INITIATE AFFECTIONATE ACTS! Give him a kiss or a hug or whatever
> I am learning to, but I can do it really only in private, with nobody watching. Don't know why. It also has to be quiet around, with no strong lights, odors etc.

I've be respectful of that trait in my 5.

> > only way you, as a 5, might feel comfortable with being sexual), if > you're ever horny, express it, damnit!

> I don't think I have ever been what is commonly called "horny". A desire for sex grows out of intimacy, instead of initiating it. The mind excites the body, not the other way round.


> > As a 7, my 5's lack of emotional expression makes me wonder if > he really loves me, y'know? I mean, he buys me a lot of nice gifts. > I feel like a very much loved woman when I receive his gifts. But I > wonder to myself, is he in love with me the way I'm in love with him?

> The answer is a definite yes. Fives aren't known for their generosity, right? A gift means that you are something very special to him.

> > 7, or with someone of any other type. And, b) could you explain to > me how you 5s deal with romantic love? If my pokerfaced man loves
> > me, apart from him buying me gifts, how can I tell? My 5 is
> I'd say that's clear enough. Another sign is that he spends a lot of time on you - that's in fact even stronger than gifts, which are "merely" material things.

> Also try to initiate intimacy from your side - if he reacts, that does mean something. He wouldn't do it out of a feeling of obligation, at least not for long.

Oh, I do, believe me! But, respecting my 5, I do so when we're alone, only. If he were a 7 though, I guarrantee you we'd be making out in public! But a 5 doesn't usually do that, I guess I've noticed that.

> > beautiful beaches. He's spending a lot of money to be with me and
> > have fun. But why? Do you think, as he's a 5w6, that he's doing
> > this because he loves me? Help me, please!

> How often do I need to say YES before you believe it? ;-)

Alright, alright! :oD

> > alone, too. But, even you 5s like to be with someone you love
> > sometimes, eh? My advice is to make it clear to a seven or to
> Of course! But we also need a break now and then. Don't take it personally ;-)

> > And please help me with this; how can I tell if my 5 wants to have sex?

> Ask him.

Sure. ;)

> > my own money. If I'm in a store and I see something I want that I
> > have the money for, I'll buy it. I simply can't control myself.
> Not something that Fives appreciate. Watch out for potential trouble.

Huh? But it's my own money! How could he get mad at me about that?

> > 4. Primarily, as a 7, Iris, I'm frustrated about how I want to
> > get close to my 5 faster than he wants to get close to me. I want

> No choice there, you need to be patient, otherwise he'll see you as an intruder and back off. Different speeds is also where I have the most problems with my 7. Fortunately she understands it, and makes an effort. I make an effort as well. Most of all, we understand that we have different needs and don't get upset about it.

I've learned that and now I officially accept it. I'll do my 7ish 'head filling with wish fufillment dreams' thing to help cope. To explain, my 5 may not want to be as close to me as I want him to now, but I'll privately dream about us being married and stuff. But of course, I won't mention my dreaming, I'll handle RL matters with him at his speed.

> > and we'll be vacationing in Florida soon at his expense. But when
> > will he truly consider me to be his lover? Does he consider me to
> That's not a question I'd ever ask myself. "Lover" is just a label. The questions I ask myself about relationships are, in order:
> 1) Do I like to be around her?
> 2) Do I like to be intimate with her?
> 3) Would I like to live with her?
> For each question, allow some weeks to months for reflection. It may be long, but you will get a quality decision :-)

> Ingo the 5 :-)

Thanks for your advice!
- Josie the 7w6

P.S. If you need further advice about 7w6s, I'll be glad to help. Me and my 5 will be meeting (after months apart) in Florida in a week to ten days from now, please wish us well.

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