Posted by Josie (18.104.22.168) on May 16, 2003 at 11:39:20:
In Reply to: Re: 5 and 7 relationships posted by Ingo (22.214.171.124) on May 15, 2003 at 16:00:39:
> > the stereotype of men, women, and the desire for sex. ;) I'll be
> > patient, and sometimes ask direct questions, is that a good idea?
> At least it's the best recommendation I can give, assuming "your" 5 is similar to me.
> > Oh, I do, believe me! But, respecting my 5, I do so when we're
> > alone, only. If he were a 7 though, I guarrantee you we'd be making
> > out in public! But a 5 doesn't usually do that, I guess I've
> > noticed that.
> Good observation :-) I don't mind a hug in public, but that's about the limit. Intimacy is serious business, not to be taken lightly, and not to be exposed to potential interruptions by street noise or other people walking around.
My 5 will give public hugs, too. Actually, on the first date I had with him, I figured, based on his body language, that he'd never show any affection whatsoever. But I was clearly wrong. I think his subtle signs of affection come from his strong 6 wing. That doesn't mean that a 5w4 wouldn't gladly hug, it's just that it seems, from him, it comes from a 'you are MY friend/lover, and I will never let you down' kind of place. I read something on here that said that how a 5 deals with people comes from his or her wing, either 4 or 6, becuase the 5 point doesn't really come with the equipment to socialize, just to observe people from a distance or avoid them. But yes, the physical affection my 5 will show in public includes hugging and hand-holding and not much else. But I should feel really fortunate, the hugging and especially the hand-holding demonstrates to others as well as to ourselves that there's love relationship between us. And unlike a 2, like my 2w1 ex-boyfriend (who was really emotionally abusive), affection from a 5 isn't worth a dime a dozen, it's really valuable and meaningful. No offense to 2s, sorry, both my sister and my best friend from childhood who I'm still in contact with are 2s, and I appreciate their love very much. But 2s have gotta admit that they'd announce tremendous, undying love for the postman given the opportunity. ;oD
> > > Not something that Fives appreciate. Watch out for potential trouble.
> > Huh? But it's my own money! How could he get mad at me about that?
> Perhaps not get mad, but as I said, I suspect he doesn't appreciate it. His opinion about you might get a few points away from perfection.
Oh, I sure hope that I don't have to be perfect. I get enough of that from my 1w9 father who raised me. And from my 2w1 ex, too... One of the things about my 5w6 boyfriend that I like is that I feel that all my little quirks are tolerated, or even found to be endearing. As far as my overspending of my own money is concerned (though I don't get my hands on money too often), I've found that my 5w6 man is incredibly patient with me. I'm hoping, once we're in the position of being common-law spouses, that he'll manage the money, and perhaps just give me a small weekly allowance that I could blow. It also helps that he has a good, guarranteed for life income. But then, I'm just a young, unemployed part-time college student, I've got to beg my damn parents for five bucks here and there. :oP
> > I've learned that and now I officially accept it. I'll do my
> > 7ish 'head filling with wish fufillment dreams' thing to help cope.
> 5s are good at that as well, by the way...
I think that's another reason why many 5s and 7s (not all, but hopefully my set and your set) can get along well. We initiate conversations together that feature big ideas, and a lot of enjoyable thinking is possible. My 5w6 really intellectually stimulates me, he even tickles me in areas. But my 2w1 ex only wanted to ponder who loves who and who is mistreating who.
> > To explain, my 5 may not want to be as close to me as I want him to
> > now, but I'll privately dream about us being married and stuff. But
> > of course, I won't mention my dreaming, I'll handle RL matters with
> > him at his speed.
> Sounds like a good strategy.
Good, I'll keep it. ;oD
> Well, yes, there is one thing that often bothers me... I guess it's also some form of the 5 fear of rejection. My 7 has, of course, a well-filled agenda (in three colours to be precise). When I see it, my immediate reaction is that she won't have any time to see me. I almost lose the courage to propose a meeting, fearing that I might be told to be more patient, as there are so many more important things that need to be done first. That has never happened (yet?), but I can't get it out of my mind. Am I being delirious?
The last thing a 7 would ever do is tell you to be more patient! Hee, hee... Yes, just like your 7, I have a fun-filled agenda, too. All of us 7s do. The idea of doing nothing fun terrifies me. Really, to the core. Because if I slow down, I might remember all sorts of scary stuff and bad stuff from my past. I can't handle that possibility as well as a 5 might. As you observed, all of our 7ish activity doesn't neccessarily mean running around all of the time, if that were the case, we'd all be exhausted by noon. (Though some of us are... LOL) 'Something fun that I've planned' often, for me, means lying in bed reading my favourite newspaper and listening to my Al Jarreau CD on my Walkman. (I can't just listen to my music or just read my paper, I need multiple forms of stimuli at once, usually. Right now, I'm not only posting on this board, but I'm also listening to the radio amd eating lunch.) And, after I read the paper, I've got to play Pokemon Silver on my Game Boy Advance while eating candy and watching TV. So on and so forth. But we 7s prioritize! If my 5w6 were to magically show up at the front door, I'd drop everything and open it, immediately! You needn't fear our 7ish plans, Ingo. For a 7w6 especially, (maybe for a 7w8 too, but more for a 7w6, my 6 wing is as strong as my boyfriend's) my lover is my top priority. My heart beats faster in his presence, I feel more alive. In a contest between spending the day alone at DisneyWorld and sitting on the bench with my 5 talking, my 5 wins, everytime. (Though DisneyWorld is terrific too, but doesn't compare with love.) You'll find with me as a 7w6 and with your girlfriend as a 7w6, our plans are simply alternatives to your company if your company is absent. You needn't be overwhelmed by them, or feel less important. If you propose an outing with your 7, she'll almost always drop her plans for yours, I promise. As for my Florida plans, they are centered around my 5. It's my 5 who's buying my plane ticket from Canada. It's my 5 who'll be picking me up from the Floridian airport. (He'll be flying to that airport from South America.) It's my 5 who'll be paying for our hotel rooms. It's my 5 who'll be driving us around in his rental car. It's my 5 who'll be taking me to restaurants and museums and art galleries and beaches... He's been travelling the world since mid-January, I haven't seen him since, I've just been receiving phone calls and postcards and mailed gifts and e-mail from him. My trip to Florida is all about seeing him, and also about him and me meeting my brother and sister who live in Florida. But 90% of my time spent will be with him, only. And then we fly back to Canada together. If a 7w6 is in love with a 5, as I am, and as I assume your girlfriend is with you, you are our upmost priority. We really enjoy you. And then, unlike a really unhealthy 2, we can enjoy our time all by ourselves, too. and then, meet up with you for more fun. It's a win-win situation. What I primarily need is reassurance that I'm loved and thought of, I think that comes from my 6 wing, too. Your girlfriend probably needs the same thing. No matter how much you love her and show her in your 5ish ways, being told directly sometimes is important, too. I hope that's not too much to ask for.
> And of course I do wish you well - what else could I do, since you are about to make a fellow 5 happy?
> Ingo the 5 :-)
Aww, thanks. ;oD Us head centres (5s, 6s and 7s) gotta stick together to face those image-obsessed heart centres and those angry gut centres. ;oD Oh, that's just my 6 'us and them obsessed' wing talking. Oh, well!
Josie the 7w6
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