Tests  Types  Diagrams  Books  Forums  Enneagram Relationships  What's hot now  Search
Main | Type 4 | Type 5 | Movie | Care | Chat

Enneagram Type 5 Board Archive

Re: 5 and 7 relationships
[ Boards: Main, Type4, Type5, Movie, Care, Chat ][ Top 10 ] [ HOME ]

Re: 5 and 7 relationships


[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 5 Message Board ]

Posted by Ingo (82.64.234.175) on May 16, 2003 at 15:01:06:

In Reply to: Re: 5 and 7 relationships posted by Josie (216.221.81.99) on May 16, 2003 at 11:39:20:

> My 5 will give public hugs, too. Actually, on the first date I
> had with him, I figured, based on his body language, that he'd never
> show any affection whatsoever. But I was clearly wrong. I think

Look *closely*. Check for subtle signs. Signs from someone who would like to but doesn't dare.

> will never let you down' kind of place. I read something on here
> that said that how a 5 deals with people comes from his or her wing,
> either 4 or 6, becuase the 5 point doesn't really come with the
> equipment to socialize, just to observe people from a distance or

That seems a bit too theoretical for me - probably written by a 5 in love with a theory ;-) The 5 pattern is "observe before you act", not "do nothing but observe".

> avoid them. But yes, the physical affection my 5 will show in
> public includes hugging and hand-holding and not much else. But I

Right, I forgot hand-holding ;-)

> ex-boyfriend (who was really emotionally abusive), affection from a
> 5 isn't worth a dime a dozen, it's really valuable and meaningful.

There you are right. It's a rare resource ;-)

> One of the things about my 5w6 boyfriend that I like is that I feel
> that all my little quirks are tolerated, or even found to be
Indeed. For a 5, you must be interesting, "worth" the "effort" of a relationship, but certainly not perfect.

> I think that's another reason why many 5s and 7s (not all, but
> hopefully my set and your set) can get along well. We initiate
> conversations together that feature big ideas, and a lot of
> enjoyable thinking is possible. My 5w6 really intellectually
> stimulates me, he even tickles me in areas. But my 2w1 ex only

Indeed. While this is my first close relation to a 7, I have many 7 friends. We appreciate each other's intellectual abilities, and there is little source for friction: both sides can discuss differences without getting upset about them.

All my 7 friends are 7w6 though, 7w8 makes me back off just as pure 8. Too intrusive.

> The last thing a 7 would ever do is tell you to be more patient!

Hmm... You have a point there...

> watching TV. So on and so forth. But we 7s prioritize! If my 5w6
> were to magically show up at the front door, I'd drop everything and
> open it, immediately! You needn't fear our 7ish plans, Ingo. For a

That's reassuring. Although "my" 7 is a bit different from you in that she has a job and children to attend to (we are both around twice your age). That would leave her less time for "fun". But then, of course, as long as she considers it fun to be with me, I should not need to worry :-)

> is as strong as my boyfriend's) my lover is my top priority. My
> heart beats faster in his presence, I feel more alive. In a contest

Not that I want to disappoint you, but my 5 reactions are not that much different ;-) We do share some basic biology, after all.

> be overwhelmed by them, or feel less important. If you propose an
> outing with your 7, she'll almost always drop her plans for yours, I

That's not necessarily what I'd want. Usually I just want to be with her, no matter where and doing what. In fact, I'd go for doing as little as possible to avoid distraction. But a nice setting helps :-)

> situation. What I primarily need is reassurance that I'm loved and
> thought of, I think that comes from my 6 wing, too. Your girlfriend
> probably needs the same thing. No matter how much you love her and
> show her in your 5ish ways, being told directly sometimes is
> important, too. I hope that's not too much to ask for.

Part of what attracts me to her is that she is the only person I ever met in my life with who I can share even feelings (but it took some time to get to that stage). We have an incredible communicational compatibility. Sometimes it seems like thought reading. I hope your 5 will also get to the point of being able to talk about feelings - but don't pressure him. Rather, give him a good example and tell him about *your* feelings, good and bad (yes, I know, the bad ones are hard for 7s, but a great sign of trust sent to others).

> Aww, thanks. ;oD Us head centres (5s, 6s and 7s) gotta stick
> together to face those image-obsessed heart centres and those angry
> gut centres. ;oD Oh, that's just my 6 'us and them obsessed' wing
> talking. Oh, well!

Indeed. You might be allowed to join a 6 club ;-)

Ingo the 5 :-)



Follow Ups:



Post a Followup

Name:
E-Mail:

Subject:

Comments:

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL:


[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 5 Message Board ] [ FAQ ]
type5board/messages/9790.html