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Re: 5 and 7 relationships
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Re: 5 and 7 relationships

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Posted by Josie ( on May 16, 2003 at 18:12:34:

In Reply to: Re: 5 and 7 relationships posted by Ingo ( on May 16, 2003 at 15:01:06:

> > My 5 will give public hugs, too. Actually, on the first date I
> > had with him, I figured, based on his body language, that he'd never
> > show any affection whatsoever. But I was clearly wrong. I think

> Look *closely*. Check for subtle signs. Signs from someone who would like to but doesn't dare.

Subtle signs? Smiling? Ice cream buying? Eye contact? Yes, my 5 shows them. And he has amazing taste in ice cream, also, have you ever tried some that was roasted marshmallow flavoured? Mmmmmm...

> > will never let you down' kind of place. I read something on here
> > that said that how a 5 deals with people comes from his or her wing,
> > either 4 or 6, becuase the 5 point doesn't really come with the
> > equipment to socialize, just to observe people from a distance or

> That seems a bit too theoretical for me - probably written by a 5 in love with a theory ;-) The 5 pattern is "observe before you act", not "do nothing but observe".

Thank you. One of my 5's top strengths/weaknesses is his need to think (sometimes a lot) before acting. Whereas I act before thinking... That's one of the benefits us 7s get from moving toward our point of intergration
at 5, it gives us more of that ability to do that. My most memorable time spent moving toward 5 is spent when I sit and read at one of my local Chapters/Indigo stores for hours. (Chapters and Indigo are both Canadian equivalents of Barnes and Noble in the U.S., huge bookstores with plenty of furniture to sit on and a place to buy coffee and snacks.) It's a great way for me, as a broke part-time student, to spend time as it costs me nothing and the staff never bother me. And when I go to 5 in that way, with my nose buried in books and magazines, I hate it when someone interupts me, but I quickly forgive them. ;) I've seen my 5 go to 7 often, like when he's driving the car and singing silly song lyrics he made up, amazingly, his 7ish behaviour made ME go to 5 and observe it with a really serious look on my face. LOL Isn't it amazing when 5s and 7s switch places?

> > avoid them. But yes, the physical affection my 5 will show in
> > public includes hugging and hand-holding and not much else. But I

> Right, I forgot hand-holding ;-)

Gotta love it, eh?

> > ex-boyfriend (who was really emotionally abusive), affection from a
> > 5 isn't worth a dime a dozen, it's really valuable and meaningful.

> There you are right. It's a rare resource ;-)

> > One of the things about my 5w6 boyfriend that I like is that I feel
> > that all my little quirks are tolerated, or even found to be
> Indeed. For a 5, you must be interesting, "worth" the "effort" of a relationship, but certainly not perfect.

Awww... thanks! I try to respect him and show him a good time when he wants me to. But he shows ME a good time, too. He loves gourmet restaurants and museums and art galleries, everytime we've gone on a date, he's always taken me to amazing places. He took me to one of America's most famous and popular art galleries once, and I ran around, from painting to painting, sculpture to sculpture. He said he loved watching me do that, I'm really just a little girl who's excited by creativity. ;)

> > I think that's another reason why many 5s and 7s (not all, but
> > hopefully my set and your set) can get along well. We initiate
> > conversations together that feature big ideas, and a lot of
> > enjoyable thinking is possible. My 5w6 really intellectually
> > stimulates me, he even tickles me in areas. But my 2w1 ex only

> Indeed. While this is my first close relation to a 7, I have many 7 friends. We appreciate each other's intellectual abilities, and there is little source for friction: both sides can discuss differences without getting upset about them.

> All my 7 friends are 7w6 though, 7w8 makes me back off just as pure 8. Too intrusive.

I don't like 7w8s too much either. But that doesn't mean I won't like one in the future that I may meet if he/she is really healthy. To me, as a 7w6, 8s and 7w8s don't come off as 'intrusive' but just 'overly aggressive'. The only half sibling I have who I don't get along with is a 7w8 or an 8w7, and he's never cared that I even exist. He's the only half sibling from my mom's side, but I get along with my three half siblings from my dad's side, a male 7w6, a male 5 (wing unknown by me), and a female 2w3. Two of them, the 7w6 and the 2w3, I'm meeting in Florida.

> > The last thing a 7 would ever do is tell you to be more patient!

> Hmm... You have a point there...

Ha! ;)

> > watching TV. So on and so forth. But we 7s prioritize! If my 5w6
> > were to magically show up at the front door, I'd drop everything and
> > open it, immediately! You needn't fear our 7ish plans, Ingo. For a

> That's reassuring. Although "my" 7 is a bit different from you in that she has a job and children to attend to (we are both around twice your age). That would leave her less time for "fun". But then, of course, as long as she considers it fun to be with me, I should not need to worry :-)

A job and kids... gosh! I've actually had a few good jobs in my life. The best one (and best paying) was working as a saleswoman in a hardware shop for $10.50 Canadian per hour. I quit it to move in with my 2w1 ex-boyfriend. It was the stupidest decision I've ever made! I had an excellent reputation with my bosses there, if I had kept that job, I'd be making $15.00/hour now. Instead, I've gotta beg my parents for money. Thank goodness that they and my 5 are no where near as broke as I am. LOL As for kids, I had a Tamagotchi once... No, I don't think I ever want real kids. But I bet, as a 7, she must be a really fun mother. But then, during bad times, I guess we'd either complain to our kids or pretend the problems don't exist. Does that sound like her?

I'm glad I could reassure you. :) Yes, doing things with my lover is a top priority for me, and it probably is with your 7w6, too. (Well, with YOU, not with MINE... LOL)

> > is as strong as my boyfriend's) my lover is my top priority. My
> > heart beats faster in his presence, I feel more alive. In a contest

> Not that I want to disappoint you, but my 5 reactions are not that much different ;-) We do share some basic biology, after all.

You mean you 5s AREN'T robots? ;oD

> > be overwhelmed by them, or feel less important. If you propose an
> > outing with your 7, she'll almost always drop her plans for yours, I

> That's not necessarily what I'd want. Usually I just want to be with her, no matter where and doing what. In fact, I'd go for doing as little as possible to avoid distraction. But a nice setting helps :-)

No problem. But we 7s don't usually feel others being intrusive the way you 5s do, you've got to keep hat in mind.

> > situation. What I primarily need is reassurance that I'm loved and
> > thought of, I think that comes from my 6 wing, too. Your girlfriend
> > probably needs the same thing. No matter how much you love her and
> > show her in your 5ish ways, being told directly sometimes is
> > important, too. I hope that's not too much to ask for.

> Part of what attracts me to her is that she is the only person I ever met in my life with who I can share even feelings (but it took some time to get to that stage). We have an incredible communicational compatibility. Sometimes it seems like thought reading. I hope your 5 will also get to the point of being able to talk about feelings - but don't pressure him. Rather, give him a good example and tell him about *your* feelings, good and bad (yes, I know, the bad ones are hard for 7s, but a great sign of trust sent to others).

Oh, he talks to me about his feelings already, but not very often. He tells me that he's told me things about himself that he's only told a few select people, that's reassuring. Something that I think helps; instead of asking a 5 how he/she would feel in X situation, ask how 'ONE' would feel in X situation. I think, put that way, I can learn about his feelings without him feeling like I'm asking specifically about him and intruding.

As for me, of course, I talk about my good feelings constantly. If you listened to me talk, you'd mainly hear 'ME this' and 'ME that', though I make sure to occasionally include others, also. ;oD I have confided with my 5 about a lot of BAD feelings, too, but I can only really do that via my 6 wing. "I'm worried about X, Y disturbs me greatly... sob, sob,"

> > Aww, thanks. ;oD Us head centres (5s, 6s and 7s) gotta stick
> > together to face those image-obsessed heart centres and those angry
> > gut centres. ;oD Oh, that's just my 6 'us and them obsessed' wing
> > talking. Oh, well!

> Indeed. You might be allowed to join a 6 club ;-)

> Ingo the 5 :-)

Hey, my 6 wing is strong enough that I really do seem like a 6 sometimes. And I often go to my security point at 5, although more so as someone in love with a 5 than before I met him. Of course, my negative point is 1, and my dad's a 1w9. When I'm not emotionally healthy, I really sound like a 1, sadly. But mainly, I'm a 7 with a strong 6 wing who often goes to 5. Heavy head centre oriented. ;oD

Josie the 7w6

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