Posted by Redsky803 (188.8.131.52) on May 28, 2003 at 11:10:49:
I was pretty certain that I was a five, until I read a 9 description. There were some key important traits that I had in common, but everything else was kinda foggy. This has been bothering me for 2 days now. So, I've decided to type a description of myself so that others with more expertice may analyze the possibilities of me being a 9 over a 5. It's quite lengthy, but detailed. I didn't want to let out any key information, the more the better....I'm sure you all agree. Let me know what you all think.
The reason why I'm being so indecisive is because I don't want to make a decision because I'm afraid that I missed some important, crucial piece of information that may change the outcome. I always feel comfortable with a decision ONLY when and if I have all the necessary information....I don't want to screw up. The very first test I took stated that I am a 4w5. The next few tests stated that I'm a dominant 5 with a 4 wing. Another test stated that I am a 6. I read all the descriptions for the MBTI, enneagram, and even personality disorders and I tested as an INTJ (although I have a highly developed feeling side, maybe I was an INFJ and overdeveloped my thinking side). As for the personality disorders, I really have no idea. I have behaved cyclothemically and schizotypally at times, but not to the degree that it was pathological.
I'm a male, caucasian (german/irish/english)19 year old and I'm in college studying international politics. I enjoy computer/videogames, genealogy research, history, art, music, and linguistics. I don't like sports at all. I spent a year in Art and I enjoyed myself, but I figured it wasn't gonna make me that much money. I switched to Architecture and then I switched to my current major. As of now, I want to switch to either history or back to art. I'm probably gonna switch to art because that's where I have the largest comparative advantage. I have a very wide variety of interests and I'm good at a lot of things. I spend a lot of time in my head and I've found that I enjoy thinking about doing something than actually doing it most of the time. When comes time to do a thought, I feel let down because it "wasn't what I thought it would be."
I'm very artistically and musically talented, but I think it's more to me of an analytical art. I'm very good at realism, mainly because I can easily paint, draw, or sculpt what I can see. It's like I'm a biological camera. However, I can also draw from my imagination, which tends to be overreactive. I don't like modern art, except my own, because it reflects another person's psyche, of which I don't usually understand. I love architecture, but I moved out of the architecture major because I didn't like how it was taught and I didn't enjoy myself.
Although I enjoy thinking, I do NOT like math or any high logic, because I always mess up some detail which ruins the entire problem. It's frustrating. Most of the time, I understand the concepts but I have difficulty carrying out problem solving. I'm very good with analogies, metaphores, and things of that nature.
I can be very judgemental about various things, people, and institutions, although I don't outwardly express it. I'm a true agnostic and I despise any form of religion, mainly because I've thought about it so much that I came to the conclusion that it's pointless, hindering, and just plain ridiculous (no offense to those of you who are religious). I try to live by "if it's better, then use it." meaning I will do what is deemed most efficient and useful (e.g. genetic engineering, stem cell research, space colonization, etc) and not judge any of those useful practices based upon ethics, religion or morality. My "morality" is that it is a sin to go against this philosophy. I also love the philosophy of Nietszche and I can relate to him easily.
I have a very warlike, revolutionary side to me, however I can't stand confrontations and conflict with people on a personal level. I think this is because I don't want to forgoe future cooperation or burn bridges with a person or group because of a conflict which aroused out of a disagreement. I want to stay away from people saying to me "I won't work with you or cooperate with you because you said/did this, this and this..."
I'm naturally kind, polite, and considerate to strangers and acquaintences. Only people close to me know some of my core views. I don't have a desire to help people, but if someone shows a common interest in something that I like, I'll be more than happy to go out of my way to help them with that subject. I don't mind meeting people, but if they don't share common interests, goals or philosophies, or if they just aren't interesting to me, I generally don't care to see them again. Eventhough this may be shallow to some, I like being around attractive, intelligent women; anything less and I wouldn't be much for conversation. I've noticed that if I'm stopped by someone I'm acquainted with and they start small talking, I mostly respond with "yeah...uh huh...alright...ok" and I just look around, because I want to continue on my way ASAP. I'm sure it's annoying, but I can't help it. Also, when I'm out with friends, after a few hours this biological alarm goes off inside my head and says "you've had enough, you gotta go home." We could be doing anything, and I'll just get this urge to go back to my house and be on my own time.
I enjoy going to parties, but I just like the party atmosphere and the possibility of meeting someone interesting (which doesn't usually happen). I mostly chill with a couple good friends of mine. After prolonged socializing, I always (especially if I've been drinking) need to get away and be alone to recharge my batteries. When drinking I'm very good at controlling myself. I take pride in the fact that most people aren't aware when I'm drunk.
I wish to be, at all times, around people who are psychologically and emotionally stable. I don't like being around overly emotional people (although I'm quite capable of helping people out of their emotional slump, but only if they ask for help.) When I'm around someone who's crying and in destress, I become paralyzed and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that I'll make the situation worse with my advice.
Over emotional types, especially negative emotional types, have the ability to "drag me down with the ship." It's like water is spilling over a dam and raises the level on my side to uncomfortable and unprepared levels. On a good day, I can deal with other people when they are relatively emotionally volatile, but on average to bad days, I keep my distance and try to avoid being affected by outside emotions. I do have a trait of 4's, synethesia. Different smells, tastes, sounds, and textures can give me a wide range of feelings and thought catalysts. Certain tastes will throw my mind back into childhood and I can recall memories that lie dormant. One day I was walking in the mall and I smelled a perfume that reminded me of my late grandmother. Upon smelling it, I was thrown into a good mood almost immediately and it lasted for hours. After the emotional high, I came back down and I was melancholy until I went to sleep. From what I've read, 4's love all of their emotions, whether it be pure joy or a grey melancholy. I like the emotional high, but I always anticipate and brace for the undesirable melancholy when coming down from the "high." What goes up must come down. On certain good days, when I'm not particularly worried about anything, I can get a strange pleasant feeling from a melancholy mood. This is pretty rare though. All in all, These are private feelings and I don't like talking about it with other people unless they mention having experienced similar thoughts and experiences, or, in this case, when I openly state them for use in analysis.
I don't like showing my emotions around people, I don't cry at funerals nor do I outwardly express hapiness whenever something good happens. The emotions are there, but just in my head. I consider outward expression of emotion to be a weakness. My face is naturally expressionless, so most people have to closely observe all of my body movements to be able to tell what emotional state I'm in. I'm not good at small talk, so I try to avoid it, but sometimes I wish I could, because relationships can be formed by simple banter. I typically don't like being around people who act or think differently than I do.
I also don't like arguing for the sake of arguing. I believe that it is a waste of time, especially if the other side won't be convinced and turned because of your argument. I'd rather discuss a topic with everyone on the same level in order to promote growth on that subject.
I do like to be intellectually stimulated, whether it be through college lectures (I particularly like history), discussions, and tv documentaries. I tend to be lazy when I'm not required to do anything, so I usually don't read that much. When I'm bored and not doing anything, I try to find something to do, but if I can't find anything, I'll sleep it off until a later time when some interesting comes up.
I enjoy thinking about the future and about the past (not my personal past, although I do get nostalgic about my late grandparents and the time between the ages of 2 and 5 [yes, I can remember back that far]). I'm almost never mentally in the present and I seem scatter brained and absent minded at times. I'm horrible with directions and I get lost on the road a lot. I'm also concientious of others and I always try to make the best of myself around others. If I act foolish in some way, I feel bad for myself, so I try not to do anything outrageous or spontaneous. I'm VERY predictable. I do have anxiety mood swings, but I think it's when I have a lack of information or if there's uncertainty about a future event or a particular situation. I can't stand the mood swings that happen, despite their causes.
I have career goals in life, although I can compare them to a boat on a stormy sea with other boats being rocked back and forth, while I'm constantly looking for other more secure boats on which I can jump on to. In other words, I tend to change my mind if things seem out of reach or are impossible. My personal goals in life are to build a beautiful house according to my design, raise children in the most efficient and effective way possible, earn a decent salary, collect classical/medieval weaponry, armor, and items, and continue my intellectual growth while sharing what I've learned with my future children.
As for my variants, I think I'm intimate/sexual as my first variant. Of course this variant is mainly focused on a one to one basis, not in large social groups. Women are my achilles heal and I tend to be intense in a relationship that I know is good. I'm very reserved with a woman until she shows me that she's willing to be intimate. After that, I'm totally open and relaxed. I'm almost in this trance-like state when it comes to intimacy. I crave it almost all of the time (..and I'm definitely not a nympho) I have always have problems with girlfriends who aren't intimate. A few years ago, I had no problem with mild forms of public displays of affection, but now I'm very reserved until I know I'm in a private place. Also, when I'm involved with a woman, all I think about is her and my other priorities are put in second place. I see this as a potential problem, so I try to keep myself in check and try to keep up with my duties, even though it's very hard.
I think my second type is definitely social, although I think I'm leaning towards the average/slightly unhealthy side. As I stated before, I have little inner patience for people who disagree with my opinions or think differently. But that doesn't keep me from keeping a good polker face and staying calm when discussing our differences (due to my dislike of confrontations)
Lastly, I think that I'm naturally third in self-preservation. Over the years, I've worked to develop this variant because I realized that it's important and self-preservation is my anchor to keep myself from floating off. To me, without self-preservation, life can be chaotic and full of uncertainty. I've come to realize this over the span of my life.
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