Posted by schrips (188.8.131.52) on June 15, 2003 at 19:16:39:
In Reply to: Anyone else on the 5-4 / INFJ-INTJ fence? posted by FenceMan (184.108.40.206) on June 15, 2003 at 18:26:17:
> Just wondered if anyone else out there lives their life perched almost dead-center on top of the fence between thinking and feeling. In every MBTI test I've taken, I get strong scores for I, N and J, but just about tie on the F vs. T (F usually wins by a hair). As to the Enneagram tests, I'm usually a 5w4, but again, really close; have seen 4w5 results too.
> Personally, I haven't found life on the fence all that easy. I've just completed my 5th decade here on earth, and you probably don't want to hear all the grisly details. Let it be said, however, that I haven't accomplished anything outstanding in life, and that I wonder sometimes if has has anything to do with my oscillating between F phases and T phases (or 4 phases and 5 phases). I never fulfilled my dreams, maybe because my dreams kept changing all the time (you tend to sway a lot when you're on top of a fence). Lately it's been getting me down (mid-life crisis, I suppose). Sometimes I wonder if I would have done better had I stuck with the intellectual route (say, had I earned a PhD in one of the sciences and stayed in the analytical / research world) and avoided most of the feelings-based ventures that I've invested much of my time and energy in (i.e., working for non-profits, spiritual journeying, quixotic romances, etc.). Would I have made more of a contribution to the world? Or, conversely, had I put everything into the F / 4 side and lived according to passion instead of according to learning and analysis and reason, would I now feel more fulfilled...
> Just some sighs of lament from another life's useless energies spent. Maybe in this world ya gotta make a choice. But my choice was not to make one. Unto thine own self first be true, and if a choice between thinking and feeling just ain't you, then what else can you do? Anyone else have the same problem / experience?
> [I may post this on both the 4 and 5 boards, since I can equally relate or not to both.]
I'm not as into MBTI as I used to be, but I always used to type as a INTP. However, with the enneagram, I'm 5w4 or 4w5 and, lately, 5w6. I don't know how much of the T-ness before was due to my very 8 father (emotions are a sign of weakness and stupidity, look at your mother (a 9)) and my subsequent desire to hide them...or how much of it is actually my own "pure" type--if there even is such a thing. But I do always feel like the rope in a game of tug of war. Like a 5, I only share my feelings with really close friends (and then only under duress). But I can also get really trapped by my emotions and be unable to get anything accomplished. I actually was very suicidal and depressed for several years in high school and college (but off the damned antidepressants for a year! ;-)) and ended up leaving school for a year and living with my parents. Basically I just laid on the couch for 6 months until I finally had the willpower to get a job and stop thinking of ways to off myself. Not just a little four-ish, no?
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